Standing Up

How often do we have the courage to stand up for what we think is right?

Finally, Officially a Grad!

A few hours after I last said that I did not wish I failed, I finally got my wish. I guess alot of things fell in place nicely so that I could somehow be thankful for my results a little more.

Award Classification:
BSc Business: Second Class Honours (Lower Division)

The overall grading was realistic enough. But looking beyond, 3 out of 4 subjects just didn't meet my expectations. It's a little strange how my predictions can always be totally off. I know I'm lucky to get through, but don't we all just hope for a little more...

Results Tally:

Black Sheep

PSOC: 37
ICP: 40

Grey Sheep

ESAP: 54
POA: 57
FR: 58

White Sheep

HRM: 63
MSM: 64
Mkting: 65

Fate vs Me

In the Games, we always have X vs X. In life, we have Fate vs Me.

Was so dying to catch at least one match in the YOG. Would have been the first sporting event I ever went to.

Alas, fate won. It decided I shouldn't be there.

Responsibility and Commitment

Used to be very afraid of graduating from university because I felt that upon doing so, one would be burdened with alot of responsibilities and commitments. I felt that life would no longer be carefree and would thus, lose its meaning. Like living for the sake or living/working. Did even entertained thoughts of secretly wishing I would fail examinations so that I need not graduate. I just did not want to grow up.

However, in the recent days, my thoughts seem to be going through a process of change. Suddenly, it feels like I actually want to take on some reponsibility - at least for myself. The desire to be able to provide for oneself financially, the desire to have a good career, the desire to feel that I have something to be proud of.... Eventually I do hope to be worthy enough to be able to provide for another.

The only constant is change...

and now... I do not wish to fail.....

Today

Sat at Pasir ris park for a record 4hours. This has probably been the longest time I've ever sat at the beach alone. Just listened to the waves, played scrabble & solitaire. Somehow I wished I could stay there all night long. The moment I get home and close the door, I end up choked in tears. I don't know where my problem lies, all I know it's not something barley can cure.

"Yeah and its over before you know it,
it all goes by so fast
Yeah the bad nights take forever
And the good nights don't ever seem to last"

Everything's feeling strange

Things are starting to feel really really odd. Is it just me or what?

Haven't really been staying home much and a few days back things just started to feel really weird. I started to feel the tension between me and dad, seemingly like I am a huge disappointment to him. Towards my sis, I feel that she's kinda disgruntled about the fact that she needs to work while I'm not. Can't speak to her like before. Even the silence starts to feel different. In the friendship arena, some people are just starting to feel like strangers, as if everything has been just an illusion.

Is it my inadequacies at work? Or time really moves faster than I can keep up with?

Passion

"Passion is what gets us started, habit is what keeps us going"

Was emailing Evonne about my choice of work this morning. Like most others, she was skeptical but told me it would be good to get started somewhere till I find something I really like doing. But her next sentence really got me thinking... 'but can tell u... even if u find smethng u like to do now.. few yrs later... u will still dread gg to work.... its just part and parcel of it..'

I don't really know how to continue this entry, but was thinking with regards to work and relationships. Why we try so hard for. Why we fight so hard for.

+ & -

We have learnt that when a (+) meets a (-), the end result will always be (-)

So how do we use positive thoughts and encouragement to dispel the negative ones? How not to let the (-) rule the situation?

Crossroads without traffic lights

Life has probably been like a highway for me. Everything so nicely mapped and planned out, all I needed was to step the accelerator and move forward. There were the occasional slight bends and road works, but nothing really drastic.

After travelling such smooth and well-paved roads, it is time to take the nearest exit. Everything out there is funny and different. The speed limit drops, the roads have potholes, there are traffic lights, other vehicles to look out for......

And then I approach a crossjunction without traffic lights. No green or red, no clear indication whether I should stop or proceed. Left, right, straight? Fear grips the soul....

Friday the 13th

A scary day it was exactly 3 years ago. I remember clearly how the bad news was broken. How I carried on going to school, sitting for exams, coming back home, all in a daze. I guess I never fully accepted the true till many days later.

Three years on, the memories of you still linger. The wish that you were still around still holds. The promises once made still unfulfilled. But on a broader outlook, perspectives have changed. Instead of mulling over the loss of a future together, I'm extremely grateful that you've ever been a great part of my life. Thanks for all the joy and laughter, care and concern you've ever given to me.

Life cycle

14 family members. After 4 passed away....

Best close up of little tadpole I could get

After n days, the hind legs start growing

Front legs start growing too. But tail still attached. They are still able to swim quite gracefully

Lo and behold!!! A handsome, young frog!

Nonsense post

After a record 5 dives, I've got a new record of 4 posts in a day!

My fascination

Maybe nothing much to do with speed, but more of the freedom it represents. Charging forward without any baggage holding it back.

Goals

Today was made to list down some goals I would like to achieve in future. Just wanna blog it down to see if I eventually will....

1. Work-life balance
2. Own a car/motorcycle (although i put /, what I really wanted was 'AND')
3. Go backpacking (to NZ - still can't take my mind off this beauty)
4. Stable job

The not listed down ones probably will be

5. Own a property (I'm happy staying with my family now. But just in case there's someone I wanna spend my life with, then this will be necessary)
6. Become a dive master (not really wanting to be a leader. But I guess reaching this step means I've accomplished some stuff like perfecting my buoyancy, etc.)
7. Go on a turtle/marine conservation trip at least once

Life and its challenges

I believe that everyone is a minority in some way or another. Some visually obvious, others not. Some allow this 'handicap' to get the better of them, others make it seem like there's nothing different about them, so much such that it makes you, the 'normal' party, feel awkward about thinking that they're indeed different.

Was on a dive trip over the weekend. There was a guy among the dive group that had one arm half the length of the other. He was with his family, was guiding his son in diving, was an underwater photographer, lifted the tanks with so much more ease then I could manage. He was a good father, a good husband, a good photographer and made good company. I struggled to explain how he was indeed 'different'.

A teacher once said, the eyes are the worst judge, only time will tell.

Knowledge

When I was young, I always wanted to grow up. I believed that with knowledge, I would be empowered with solutions to problems.

As I grew up, I realised I only gained knowledge of problems I have no solution to -.-"

Happy 45th Birthday!

National day's round the corner...

I cannot phantom how life was like 45 years ago when the smallest nation in the world declared independence.

May I have the diligence and courage of our forefathers to one day leave a legacy I can be proud of.

Family

Took a long walk with my sis today. And honestly, despite her weirdness and not-so-occassional constant blabbering, I think I'm blessed to have her as my sis. Someone I can sit in silence with, someone who ain't petty, someone who's occasionally generous, someone I can ask to shut up but will never take it to heart....

A few years back I came to the conclusion that, at the end of the day, family will always be there with me, for me. Will they?

Almost 3 years on

'I took for granted all the times I thought would last somehow'