but I guess I still can make certain decisions on my own. All that talk about asking me to explore/experiment/try out with someone else. Please just let it stop before it does permanant damage to me. Idk if you said it bcos you don't want to fully commit to this r/s or like as you claim, it's for my own good. If it's the former just be frank with me & I'll make a serious consideration so that we can compromise somewhere. If it's the latter I just want you to know I can decide what is best for myself.
Regarding coming out to my family I've always been gg back and forth with it. So far my stand is that I'm not ready to let them know bcos I don't think I can handle the backlash yet. But I don't want to heavily compromise my lifestyle & make you an invisible element. To me things are fine as it is now. They know your existence but don't know that we r together. Should they happen to chance upon anything, I'll take whatever comes my way.
I know you had a terrible experience coming out n prob might feel that my character is not strong or mature enough to handle it. But at the end of the day I need to learn to defend myself. I always knew that I won't come out because of you. But I always thought that you would be the one that can give me the most strength and support through whatever difficult times that comes my way. I have never doubted this... But right now I think my belief has not only wavered but probably plummeted to almost zero. Not only do I feel I won't get your support, somehow I feel you'll even join hands with others to persuade me to become 'normal'. That's what will make everyone happy isn't it?
I don't know... Maybe afterall I barely know you....
What if I told you that one year of acting straight was one of the most painful periods of my life? What if I told you I seriously did contemplate taking my life?
Is it so ok for you to lose me?
I've shed so much tears already and I feel so lonely...
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