Why do I suddenly miss the days when we were just friends.. Just feel like those days we got so much closer at a faster rate. Somehow I feel stagnant now. hmmm.. It's like as if we begin doing so much things together that we don't talk anymore. If we were to lie there till 3am again, would we have that neverending conversations? Idk... I don't mean that talking nonstop is essential... I feel comfortable with you even in silence... it's just that we seem to have shared a certain part of us with each other, and then we just stopped. I can't say for sure what's unshared or missing, but it definitely doesn't feel that complete yet. Maybe I need to learn to be less constipated.. n increase my vocab to learn to explain certain thoughts...

Guess another part that bugs me is just how little I feel I understand you.. Your likes & dislikes.. hmmm.. I can't really look at a thing and go 'Bingo! I know she likes that'. Idk. maybe it's the lack of the so called gut feeling, or observation skills.. Or perhaps it's the communication..

But I'm certain one thing that hasn't changed is how happy I feel whenever I see you. The bu she de-ness whenever we part. The missing you when we're apart. I know I still love and want you by my side. That kind of genuine happiness seems amazing. That kind of energy to rush out at 6am shocks me. That kind of feeling of wanting to show you off to the world I cannot comprehend.

However, slowly my dream of forever is fading. Tears of sadness sometimes swell up at this prospect. But maybe it can help keep expectations in check. Maybe it can help me treasure you more. N ironically, maybe it can keep my hope of forever real.