31 dec 2012 - closing a chapter

Well, I wouldn't say this year is closing well. What with a broken heart and rain all day long.

Things changed. I got into a new job. Made some new friends. Lost some old ones. Went through a break up.

But some 10 years later I won't remember any of this. What I have is lessons that will shape my life from now on.

2013 will probably be a year of change. Change in thoughts is what I crave the most. I'll turn 25 next yr. quarter life what do I want? Fulfillment.

Dreams are meant to be fulfilled. I did one in 2012. Campervan trip to nz.

Bring on what's ahead!

30 dec 2012 - evaluation

Made my way to JB today. Had an awesome massage. Made contact lens. Had a great lunch & manageable dinner (I'm hungry again now!). The traffic there was bad. I don't like weaving with a pillion! Skills I need! An uneventful causeway ride? No! Went with everyone else to the BIKES lane. Hahaha.. Finally now I know it's for single riders only.. Nice one... Booked my lesson 3 on Friday.. I'm gonna pass! My ninja will await me! :p So many things I want. Need to plan my finances properly. Well, I guess I've recovered slightly from the zombie that once roamed the streets. The crack in my heart is slowly getting smaller. I guess the worst is over... How I shall rebuild my life from here is anyone's guess. Closure... I realise that's what I need. Lorraine thought what she did released those women from their fear. For some yes, for others it trapped them for the next 17 years. Living with that mystery for such a long time, Ray couldn't cope and searched for an answer all these years, going on a downward spiral the whole time. Closure, the truth.... What if the end had no answer?

30 dec 2012 - dreams

I dreamt about ants. I dreamt about you. Can't recall the full details. But you wrote me a letter. Can't recall the contents except one last line. You asked me to relook my life and why I was hurting her to cope with our breakup.

Hmm... Good morning anyway!

29 dec 2012

Today went for prac 3. But failed. Immediate failure + 24 pts :( read a whole book finished today. It's been some time. Brought home 2 red penguins. It's a long and sleepy day for me. I want my hand to get well soon. Miss darlie boy. Pat pat.

Goodnight. I love you.

28 dec 2012 - dinner

Yoshinoya dinner. Had beef and ebi meal today. They have a beef and mushroom meal. So tempted to eat it. But I thought it will remind me too much of you. U liked adding mushroom. And I like pinching your food. I kept losing today. Hmm. Went to this small little cafe where they have performers of Chinese songs. Cool. Nice place to be at. We went too late though. Was almost closing when we reached. I'm almost getting a little better with my roads. Riding does help huh. Cos can't rely that much on gps :p I've been riding for at least a year now. Glad to know I'm still intact, safe and sound. I'm glad to know you are too. There are some things I've never told you and I guess you'll never get to hear.

Anyway it's getting late now. Goodnight! I love you!

28 dec 2012 - hard at work!

630pm. Still at work. Didn't achieve my plan to sneak off early. Just some thoughts. Perhaps in future whatever I say to you will be filtered. Perhaps there will never be spontaneity again. Perhaps we can never sit and do nothing but feel like its the best time of our lives. Maybe there will be no more reservoir talks, no more early morning calls.

Or maybe there will be all that again. Maybe the care and comfort never died. Maybe it's a hiatus. Maybe we could be the friends we once ever were.

Going for dinner soon!

28 dec 2012

Happiness is surreal. Unhappiness is real.

Random blabber at work

27 dec 2012 - reflection on change

Was clearing some pictures in my phone. Came across alot which are very heartbreaking for me at the moment. The apps u said about my departure leaving a gap in your heart. I guess that was how much I once ever meant to you.

After the breakup I wished things would remain the same. That I could will chatter non stop with you. That we would still hang out. That we could still travel together. When in nz, we quarreled. I rmb clearly how u told me you didn't change. Your attitude has always been like that. I told u I have changed, Cos circumstances have, and why is it that you haven't. I guess that's clearly what I should be thinking. With our breakup things will definitely change, just a matter of how and what. A matter of for better or for worse.

I'm coping. Learning to embrace. Trying to find the person I can be which I will be proud and happy of. Opening my life doesn't seem that bad now. New meanings to festivals.

Today I looked into your eyes. There seemed to be uncertainty. Uncertain of how to treat me. U once said u felt heaviness when you see me. I feel happiness and also curiousness. I wonder why we couldn't be like this in the past. Maybe a little uneasiness in a relationship ain't that bad. Anyway, I do hope you will one day feel better when you see me again. Till then!

Goodnight. I love you!

27 dec 2012

Year coming to a close. I met u just now. Passed u your present and took stuff from u. We still have a common account. Keep it or close it? Guess I don't see the need to close it. But maybe there's no need to keep it either? This is funny.

Went to Mac for dinner. Where we used to head to together. I saw a girl with a toy penguin. She was throwing it around. It landed in a puddle of water. Lucky I saw her cleaning it. If she throws it away I'll be angry. Reminds me of the penguin I gave u. Never ever throw that away. There will come a day u probably will get rid of stuff I gave. But rmb, not that. Giving u that was when I gave u my heart and opened my life. Thats y on that day when u talked about going overseas on your own we quarreled so badly. I guess the past is the past. But there are some things that just hold so much meaning.

I miss talking to u. This is the only bridge I have left. U looked tired today. Rest well. Goodnight.

27 dec 2012 - delivered the last present

And received one. I realize the most precious gifts don't necessarily have to be the most valuable. It doesn't have to be what u have always longed for. It need not be the prettiest. But it has to be close to the heart.

26 dec 2012 - boxing day

Today went back to work. Wound still not healed. It tore open slightly today. I miss the days u took care of me when I burnt my leg. The rare care u show me. Tried killing those ants. They simply refuse to leave. Not much mood of working. Ate instant noodles. Booked my trip. Watched some tv. Life's different. Change. Did it really kill us?

25 dec 2012 - final moments of Christmas

Cozy night out with the cousins. Festive seasons always make one think. Loneliness. Guess doing the same thing with a different person can change an experience. Opened all my presents today. Quite tired from last night's lack of slp.

Guess you may never see this. But thank you you for being there during this tough period. Maybe it's time to count my blessings instead!

25 Dec 2012 - Reflection mid-Christmas

Letting go of a person who makes you happy in exchange for past memories sure doesn't seem wise. Now if only the heart could be more rationale... Past two years life was breathed into my life. Re:Start Merry Christmas to you! Going off for dinner now...

25 dec 2012 morning

Waiting for my dim sum now. The floor was hard. The night was cold. It's been a long while.

Merry Christmas to u!

24 dec 2012 Christmas eve

Past two yrs went to friend's house with you. This yr I'm on my own. Had a christmas party in office. It was fun. Nights r often crazy. They make one think alot. Today guess I will spent time gazing at the stars. No longer are you by my side. Some changes we may never get used to. We just learn to live with it. I still miss you. Not the dying kind I felt a few months back. Good that it's now that my counsellor has no time. I wonder if you miss me still. Wonder how u r adapting to changes without me with u. Nostalgia. Meaning of Christmas is slowly changing for me. May a new beginning be ahead of me. Goodnight love.

23 dec 2012

Whole body aching. Finally bought all presents. Wrapped them. Tried a new place for dinner. Growing up isn't easy. Transferred lots of money out. Apps you. Dreamt alot while awake. Sang n tap dance on the bike. Early day tomorrow. How will I see through the festive season?

I miss what I've been saying almost every night.. Goodnight... I love you

22 dec 2012

Fun. Tiring. Pretty kites. Don't know whether can finish the journey tonight. Out of sight, not out of mind. Dropped the bike. I miss u.

22 dec 2011 good morning

It's a brand new day. How are you over there? Had fun last night? I'm heading out soon. Tough night ahead!

21 dec 2012 end of the world

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

20 dec 2012

Shopping worry! No presents for others. Lots for myself. New cd. Long time haven't bought one and just sit down listening to soothing sounds. In my past rs I've been so busy. With what I'm not sure. Certain small things in life I've neglected. I'm growing to learn to live with myself once more. We come and go alone. Good to get used to it :)

I think I have abit more of my heart to give to others. To learn to care once again.

I still miss u. Still wish we could be together. I still look back and wonder. If things could be different. I often wonder if I could have you back and learn to rearrange everything again. Would you choose to be with someone you can live with, or someone you cannot live without. I'm greedy enough to choose both. The person you cannot live without must also be a person you can live with. I guess I guess....

Christmas is coming. It's gonna be a long and hard one. New yr too. Too much memories. The first new yr I spent with you was exciting but full of tears. The second one I wanted to watch fireworks with you. But u refused to wake up. My idea of romance. Hahaha. I ever once told you to never leave me alone for the new yr bcos of a very bad past experience. I guess I will have to face it this yr. finally without u.

Hum di di dum... Acoustic sounds...

Enjoy your trip! Be safe... My love...

19 dec 2012

Back to work. Full blown work. Lots of stuff to do. Went off early. Did some shopping. Had a good dinner. Yummy egg. I stole someone's egg :p. rode fino around. Watched some tv. Thought of you. Big m came. Looked through photos. Miss the sea. I love u still. Goodnight.

18 dec

Ok day. Did normal work. Attended meetings. Had good dinner. Met a new friend. Pus oozing out. Bathing's a chore. Very tired now. Still have things to do. Wait for tomorrow. Goodnight to you :)

Tired

Full and sleepy. Had a good dinner. Wish U were there. Drove down memory lane. Injured, wet and sad. I survived. 44mins till end of a bad day. Tomorrow will be better. Gotten rid of pests. Snapshot of feelings today. Goodnight :)

17 dec 2012

Today is a bad bad day. It's the kind of day I wished 18 dec came after the 16th.

Meme land

Had a yummy yummy lunch today. One step closer to rebuilding meme land

I watched till you disappeared from sight. And then my heart broke.

U gotta do. What you gotta do

Goodbye

Yet again, saying goodbye seems to be the hardest thing.